A First Day Tale

I stumbled upon my own nothingness the moment I punched my frosh college I.D. at the entrance of the school I used to hate. My unfamiliarity grew deeper as I wondered at the busy hallways, frightened by the thought that I would be invisible in the sight of the folks in this institution. Not knowing what was going on around me, I got lost. And that's why I decided to shape my mouth and murmur some words to some ladies whom I partially knew.

But I was still alone. Then I realized that I hadn't opened my heart yet - an opening for something new and great; an acceptance for pure reality. 

Soon after, I found myself walking along the 3rd floor of the MMJ building for my first official college class. My heart thumped to the beat of the footsteps of countless people as I nervously looked for my room. As I made my way to a wooden chair, I noticed pretty faces. Faces in which glamour and calmness exist in the midst of jittery; faces I never thought would serene my bothered heart. At that moment, as I glance more and appreciate them, I discerned that college is not about high grades or Latin honors though passing is a must. Instead, it is about smiles and laughter, happiness and kindness, simplicity and purity, maturity and diplomacy, truthfulness and serenity. And these, as I what I learned from those people during my first day, are yet to form inside me. 

But I guess these mere realizations led me to what I was dying to look for: friends. The ladies I met are not the best I admit. Yet, they are the rarest you'll see in Miriam. Each of them displays various behaviors that will make you stay with them more. At first sight you can say that they have attitudes. However, their character is as clear as a river's water. For in the way they deal with me, I conceived the importance of being true and how it will help you overcome college. In that instant, I felt inspired.

Afterwards that moment, I came to meet various professors who are undeniably suitable in their field. They talked about themselves with dignity. Some shared events and lessons that nurtured them into becoming better persons. The time each of them dismissed the class, I realized my value. I understood why I am here and knew that from the time I punched my frosh college I.D., I became someone. I stopped from believing that I am nothing. And that the norms of my mistakes signaled something shocking: I am worth it. 

In a broader perspective, I fathomed that first days exist because of a phenomena that will make you feel you’re somebody: experience. Now that I no longer have to show brittleness because of such venture, I will feel my youth and worth. I will cherish my growth as I determine my future.

The Art of Letting Go

Today, the sight of the world has been very vivid in every human's eyes. The green leaves that are hung in the old acacia trees exhibited a wonderful painting - each containing a lurid chlorophyll pigment underneath its thin layers that captured everyone in the land. The residue of the rain the other day looked like a real river where one can clearly see his beautiful image. The grass danced lively and for the first time, I heard the wind's accompaniment to the singing of the birds where the grass is definitely getting its beat. And at that moment, I felt so alive. For these things reminded me of you and how you shifted my feelings into something new. 

But soon enough, the roughness of the ray that stroke my face refreshed me. Ah! I need to forget. Thoughts spilled in my head while needles embroidered my heart with a butterfly that is supposedly placed somewhere in my stomach. Then after a while of reckless thinking I knew that I need to be a butterfly that just flies when a flower's nectar is already occupied. It's hard. Harder than a rock. Harder than a metal. A lot harder than what physics can explain. Yet, I will embrace it. I will color it with the brightest colors so that I can still see myself making a real smile. I will sketch it with the finest charcoal so that every detail will be clean. I will love the decision of letting you go because it will calm me. However, if there'll be a time that your heart will lead back to mine again, I will be cautious. Because before that happens, my heart is already covered with a pure  canvas that will protect it from getting stains. 

[PERSONAL] Not a new me, but a better me

Author's Note: Changmin's smile in this photo exactly suits the way I feel the moment I wrote this. That's why I posted it with just his smile. Anyway, this is an essay to be passed in our English subject. 

 

I find it amazing how someone like me survived 15 years of struggle and uncertainty. I find it so unusual how I dealt with life with just faith and nothing else. Thinking of the life I had countless years ago, I feel like I had been cheated by own self knowing that I never polished the things I should had. However, though regrets are flooding me at the moment, just like anyone else who wishes for change, I too believe that everything is not yet over.

So this year will be different. I will make 2013 the stepping stone of myself. I will graduate from childish resolutions and proceed to grown up aims. I will make this year the start of my stardom, not in the industry or in terms of popularity, but regarding the rise of a better me.

I will become more determined and passionate to the works and dreams that I wish to accomplish and achieve. I will become sturdier and wiser in times of difficulties and frustrations. I will become more innovative as new days unfold and less unproductive though tasks are on hold.

I will be more compliant to vendors and to the people whom I do not know. I will become more reliant to my friends, enemies and even to people who doesn't need me at all. I will become more independent and knowledgeable when making small or big decisions. I will totally erase indecisiveness in myself so that procrastination will just happen once in a while.  

I will become more positive. I will strengthen my guts so that a supply of simultaneous kindness will flow in my heart. I will smile more often and just cry when greatly needed. I will trust my talents and believe in my skills. I will be more focused to the duties entrusted to me. I will apply excellence in everything that I do making sure that I won't become the 'perfectionist' who knows nothing but being flawless.

I will listen deeply at the peak of discussing important matters. I will develop the way I control my anger so that my bitter words won't have to hurt anyone anymore. I will talk less when I know I'm the one who's missing and talk more when I'm the one who's on the right track. I will lower my pride and lift my self esteem. I will practice a better showcase of Christianity so that I can see the beauty of humility and respect to humanity. And above all, I will have a firmer faith than before.

My life is a hair and I'm the barber. Gotta make this year productive, happy and stylish. 

[FANFICTION] I Cry

Characters: Anyone

Summary: That thought just makes me cry.....infinitely.

Author's Note: A write up inspired by someone. 

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I cry at times when I remember how you loved me, how I loved you and how we loved each other. My tears will constantly fall as our past brood over my sickened mind. I would recall how you first held my hand one gloomy afternoon, the way you smiled at me when we first fought, the voice I heard from you when I first walked away, the long stare you made because I don't want to believe you, the softness of your lips when we first kissed during the setting of the sun and the warmth of your love that I had fully received during the days of our affection. 

I cry at times when people tell me that it's okay and life must still go on no matter what. Various people will come and tell me that it's just a part and not the real end of everything. My heart would deeply hurt inside knowing about other's perception about love and reality. With that, I would doubt about the promises we made together for the hundredth time. How lovely it is to hear you say the words forever and ever over and over again. How nice it is to see you make everything you've said in front of me, laughing and full of energy. 

On the other hand, thinking of the pains you gave, I think of myself and the way I was when I were with you.  I try to see my image when I first met you: I looked so lost. Then my image when I accepted you in my life: I looked like a blooming rose. I reminisce myself with you. Things were so great. And that made me realize what really went wrong. That I weren't made especially for you.

For I didn't say the words I Love You like you did. I didn't show my heart as much as you wanted me to. I didn't understand you as much you understood me. I didn't help you as much you helped me. I did love you back. Purely. But I didn't do anything great in return for you. And when my sight of you turning your heart back from me flashed in my mind, I saw the deep cut in your kind heart. A cut that I cut. A cut that I should have never done to such a precious man like you. With that, I feel like crying in behalf of you. And I do.

Sometimes, when I think back again, I force myself to look straight and move on. But you were right. Before leaving me, you asked me if this is all I really wanted. I said yes and you told me that it wouldn't be easy at all for you and for me. But I still insisted. And here I am know, trying to let go of my love for you; of your love that still exists in my heart. It's so hard. You know. But I will. Because it is in letting you go that you can be free and find someone a lot better than me. 

That thought just makes me cry.....infinitely.

[FANFICTION] The Unforgiving

Characters: Leeteuk
Summary: Of one's self belief and strength.
Author's Note: Leeteuk is a one great role model. This simple write up was produced because of that. I exaggerated some of the parts. But never mind. This is actually boring. Maybe some other time, I could write  a deeper one about him.

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He used to wake up with lonely eyes. As a kid, he saw nothing but a gloomy sky and an empty house. Though in reality the sky was always so cheerful and bright during his younger years, he never saw it beam. For at a young age he had already experienced pain, severe loneliness and total loss.

Luckily, the hardships didn't took away his will. There were times when he felt like really giving up. But his will to achieve his enormous dreams kept him on standing still. And with his sturdy self belief and invincible strength, he fought like the Spartans and continued on living like Adam. With his show of much integrity in him, he conquered the odds and survived.

Now, as he stood on a vast stage, he remembered his sweet journey. He recalled the times when he just wore a simple pair of clothes, used the same brand of bag, had the old fashioned look, possessed the voice that no one hears and showed the smile that could lead anyone into tears.

He, himself, couldn't actually trace the exact path of his success. All he knows is that he never tried. Instead, he did pursue. With that act, he knew that he accomplished the impossible and arrived at his rightful destination. If there's one thing that he would never forget, it would be the tears. Tears that made him stronger and more passionate. At this moment, he wanted to tell you that he loves you and that the things that you can see in him right now are real. He always wants you to whisper the words 'Thank You' and 'I love you' for because of your support, he distilled the unforgiving.